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View Full Version : If my body were a car....


Jax
08-10-2009, 05:16 PM
LOL I had to nick this from another site we have because I thought it was funny :D

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ...

But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!!

Jax
02-11-2009, 12:31 PM
Okay another couple of funnies to help you keep on a raw road http://www.rawinuk.com/images/icons/icon10.gif


Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool..
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'